Day Four: Luxor, Necropolis of Thebes

April 21st, 2008

So we took a motor boat to visit the West Bank of the Nile the afternoon of our first day in Luxor - to visit the Necropolis of Thebes - two valleys where the Kings and Queens of Egypt were buried. You know - the place where they found King Tut. And this was super cool because for the first time in a very, very long time, King Tut's mummy is on display in his tomb. Now, after visiting the Museum in Cairo, I'd had it up to here with dead, wizened, wrinkled and heat-blacked corpses - you've seen one mummy and believe you me, you've seen them all - but still - it'll be something to tell my grandchildren, that I once saw the mummified remains of the Boy King.

On the road to the Necropolis of Thebes, we stopped by the Colossi of Memnon. There are a lot of stories about the Colossi because after the statues were damaged in an ancient earthquake they whistled at dawn. The ancient Greeks came up with a lovely little story about why that was that I won't repeat here. Eventually someone way back in the day had them repaired and then they stopped whistling. They're in pretty rough shape now though, so maybe they'll start up again. Who knows.

A few things strike you when you first set foot in the Valleys of the Kings and Queens.

# 1. The HEAT. And when I say it strikes you I mean it quite literally. It's like being hit in the face with a brick-oven. One that's been making pizzas all day. Only without the delicious smell of baking cheese. Instead, substitute the pervasive odor of broiling feces. And don't ask where the feces came from because you probably don't want to know. It's not like the Egyptians are big fans of port-o-johns. Hurrah.

#2. Holy crap people actually spent whole years of their lives working in this place. I mean, the archaeologists AND the ancient Egyptian artisans and laborers...the HORROR. I can't even imagine how mind-numbingly frustrating it must have been to be the archaeologists working to uncover the tombs. The valley is completely anonymous - covered in random piles of dirt and loose scree. I mean sure, you get the thrill of discovery when you DO find one, but the years and years and years of digging holes and finding nothing but mummified camel dung and sand...eeeeeeeeee.

#3. This religion was WHACKO. I mean, I'm all for ritual that helps the living cope with the loss of their loved ones, but the amount of work and wealth and labor that went into the mortuary practices of the ancient Egyptians was really...just...well. What the heck was Tut supposed to do with three or four huge golden beds? Seriously? Dead or alive?

And this brought me to consider, in a very irritated state of mind, just how obnoxious most religions are. I think it's bloody, bloody foolish to spend your life essentially in preparation for the "next world" when your time would really be better spent preparing for life in THIS ONE. That is to say, the life you are CURRENTLY LIVING. Let things in the next world sort themselves out when you get there. Sheesh.

For that matter, holding on so tightly to your past that you choke it doesn't make much sense either. The tourist industry in Egypt is bombastic on the subject of the longevity of culture in their country - "7,000 years of culture!" And after 7,000 years the things I'll remember most are the Baksheesh Vultures hovering in the doorways of every public restroom doling out three or four squares of toilet paper and demanding money in return.

Or the con artist guards in the tombs who would bring in a small length of rope and use it to rope off some section of the tomb and then, very sneakily and in a confiding manner, lower it "just for you" and allow you to view that area for some monetary compensation. Bastards. But in Egypt I've been told they have a saying which translates to something like, "let them eat bread," and it basically means "let them do what they need to, to make a living." So sure, you're paying the equivalent of 50 cents to see a portion of the tomb that you already bought a ticket to see...but who knows what that guard has got going on at home? Let him eat bread.

All of the above photos are from the Valley of the Queens, by the way.

The real jewel in the crown of the Valley of the Queens is the Tomb of Nefertari. It's evidently incredibly well preserved and decorated in such a way as to make the Sistine Chapel cry tears of envy. We did not get to see it. The restoration experts have decided it needs a break from visitors so it is currently closed. And even when it is open, only 150 people are allowed to see it daily, so to get a ticket you must be the first ones there when the ticket office opens.

After the Valley of the Queens we went to see the Mortuary Temple of Queen Hatshepsut. She was a bad ass, and her temple is architecturally very rare for Egypt, and for the period when it was built.

The temple is also known as Deir Al Bahri - which means Northern Monastery. The temple was made a monastery later by the Christians, and it is this that is partly responsible for its survival to date.

Prior to Hatshepsut taking it as the site for her funerary temple, the land was sacred to Hathor, so there are many references to Hathor in the temple.

The temple is also known for the many reliefs depicting Hatshepsut's expeditions to the land of Punt, where she engaged in trade and brought back many marvelous things - including 3,000 myrrh or incense trees which she had planted along the causeway leading to her temple. A stump remains.

These show the traditional houses in Punt - raised on stilts - and also the animals, birds and fish she would have seen on her way there...it's a bit funny to think that the walls of her funerary temple were, in some ways, her blog...

And these guys are fun - they are actually statues of Hatshepsut herself...she was known to wear the false beard of the Pharoah...

Leaving Deir Al-Bahri we drove to the Valley of the Kings. Along the roadside everywhere you see Alabaster Schools - like the Rug Schools in Sakkara these take in children and train them to carve the alabaster they take from the valleys.

Some are nicer looking than others.

Then, the Valley of the Kings.

You can bet Sandy paid good Baksheesh for this...

But what can I say about the Valley? King Tut's tomb was TINY compared to a lot of the others, and almost completely undecorated...and having seen everything in the Cairo museum that they managed to cram into those tiny rooms I was amazed and also convinced that they had uncanny abilities with spatial relationships and would have been really good people to have around when packing for a camping trip. Also, descending into the tombs felt like entering a darkly-lit steam room. The heat outside is dry, but the heat inside the tombs is WET - people-wet. Perspiration and exhalation wet. Although the tombs were beautiful, I don't think anyone really wanted to linger inside them. Ick.

I spent a lot of time trying to identify the various gods on the walls, and I think I got them right about 60% of the time. *laughing*

What is it Terry Pratchett says? "A national religion that had fermented and accreted and bubbled for more than 7,000 years and never threw a god away in case it turned out to be useful."

Yeah, exactly. And a lot of them look alike, and half of them are the same god but with different names or different aspects or different gods that all do the same job - like there's the scarab that pushes the sun, and also the solar boatman...as though the sun at the same time is a big ball of burning dung in the sky being shoved around by a giant beetle, and also hanging out in a big boat being pushed from horizon to horizon by a guy with the head of a falcon. Why not?

And then we went back to the boat, where we all got changed for dinner.

Our cabin on the boat:

After dinner, there was a belly dancer. She made Dakota and I get up and dance with her, and those pictures, I have vowed, will never see the light of day. But you can have this one.

After the belly dancer, there was a Whirling Dervish. He RULED.

And then this happened...

In the morning, a lone Irish/Norwegian took incredible risks with her epidermis...but it was worth it for the view.

If you're going to Egypt, make sure you take a Nile cruise. Although there are aspects of the Nile now that are a disappointment. For example, the complete lack of crocodiles. Ever since they built the High Dam at Aswan the crocs have disappeared. All the crocodiles are evidently trapped south - in Lake Nasser. Same with the hippos.

So, for example, these two guys can spearfish in the reeds, and the possibility of them being snuck up on and eaten by something resembling a bumpy brown log is very slim. Much to my sorrow.

All of these we saw on the cruise to Qena - where we visited the temple of Denderah...but I will write about that another time.