Slice o' Life...

Picture me, going into the pantry to find something to nosh on...then, upon leaving the pantry, reaching up and pulling the drawstring to turn off the overhead light.

The drawstring is one of those ceiling fan pull chain thingies that has the little metal clamps that attach one length of pull chain to another length of pull chain. Like so:

Now, perhaps two months ago, perhaps longer, the little clampy thing at the end of the ball chain that attaches to the other ball chain that is actually attached to the light on/off function inside the ceiling light in the pantry - got stretched, or widened, or something. Long story short, if you pulled it, 90% of the chain would suddenly be hanging from your hand, while a tiny nubbin would still be dangling from the actual light fixture in the ceiling. And the light would still be on. Or off. Whatever. The point is, it was busted.

So I went trawling through our various drawers of useful stuff, and I found a package of ball chain, unopened! Brand new! I took it, and I climbed on a ladder, and attached this new ball chain to the bit of ball chain still hanging from the light. Then I climbed back off the ladder, and triumphantly tugged it, turning the light on and off without the chain suddenly breaking off in my hand. I noticed that the chain I'd attached was considerably longer than the one we had had before. But at least the damn thing worked. I was satisfied.

That night, Sandy came home, and went to go into the pantry, and reached up to tug the ball chain, and was confounded by the new length. He inquired as to the change of circumstance. I explained that the previous chain's clamping mechanism was faulty, and I had replaced the chain. Sandy, dissatisfied with my work, climbed on the ladder, took the new chain OFF, and - fetching the old chain from where I had put it, replaced it on the tiny nubbin of chain hanging from the light. Then he fiddled with the clampy bit which was causing all the trouble for a while, until he was satisfied, and he said, "all fixed."

Well. That is not the end of the story. Whatever black magic he had worked upon the clampy bit was faulty. Because the very next time I went to use the damned thing, it broke off again in my hand. I stared at it, thoroughly disgusted. Maybe if we'd just taken the clampy bit off of the NEW chain, and used that...but I didn't know what Sandy had done with the new chain when he removed it! Argh. Argh with bells on. And I wasn't getting the ladder out again. This was now Sandy's problem. He could deal with it. When he got home, I politely pointed out to him that the chain was once again broken, and he needed to fix it since MY fixing skills were not up to par.

It has been several months since the issue first arose, and I probably don't have to tell you that Sandy is still attempting to make the original chain and clampy thingy work. Tonight, I went in to get a snack before bed, and as I was leaving the pantry, I reached up, and tugged the light cord. It all came off in my hand, AGAIN, and I stared down at it. Then I looked up. Sandy was sitting at the kitchen table, watching me. He said, "don't tell me you broke it again."

Well. Instead of answering him, I simply said, "Here's what I want you to do. I want you to get up, come over here to the ottoman, take off your pants, and bend over." And I swung the length of broken ball chain in my hand in a semi-threatening manner. It would probably have been a lot scarier if my lips weren't twitching into a half-smile that I kept trying to hide.

Sandy stared steadily back at me, and he replied, "You know it's just going to break before you can hit me with it."

Ahhhh...how we laughed...